Mall Walk of Shame

Last night I had the scariest moment ever.  Hubby and I were at Quail Springs Mall when I noticed this old woman making eye contact with me.  I quickly looked away, but curiosity got the best of me so I looked up again.  She was still there, that ugly old woman...........wearing the most horrible clothes imaginable.  That is when I realized, that old woman was me!  What has brought me to this lowly state?  My hair!  My shirt!  My jeans!  My shoes!  Nothing good was going on.  Short of going home, and we were 20 miles from home so that wasn't happening, there was nothing I could do.  With much whining, but with my head held high, I endured the mall walk of shame with the hubby giving me these reassuring words "you don't look that bad".

There are at least 347 reflective surfaces in any given mall so I had an opportunity to get several up close and personal looks of that scary woman.  It was not a pretty sight.  The flats - not so bad, but they don't do anything for your bottom.  My jeans - they were new and OK for flats but might have been a bit short to wear with heels, and girls, I think if I want to look my best, I will have to endure heels.  So I will definitely have to get me some new longer jeans and some new high heel boots to jack up my bottom.  The black boyfriend sweater - now that thing is only going to be worn at home.  No public appearances for it again.  My Christmas t-shirt (I haven't mentioned that, have I) was at least 7 inches too short.  I know what you are wondering now....WHY?  WHY WOMAN WOULD YOU WEAR THAT?  I know and I am ashamed.  I have read that Christmas themed clothing was a fashion faux pas.  I know that!  I even believe it!  I hate them on others so why in the world did I ever think they were the thing for me?   

In my teens, I was hit smack dab in the face with an ugly stick.  Don't believe me?  Look at my school pictures from 8th grade on.  In my 20s I was passable enough to get a man to marry me.  In my 30s, I was OK, but thought every mom over 30 ought to have a her hair permed and look...well...like a mom.  In my 40s, I thought life was passing me by so I tried to up my fashion sense.  In my 50s, people told me I looked good for my age.  Then the 60s hit.  I was retired.  Where was that "she looks good for her age" woman?  I can tell you where she was.  She was at the mall wearing her Christmas goggles buying Christmas shirts, short jeans, flats, and generic sweaters. 


Now I have made a vow, and if you want to take off your Christmas goggles, too, you might want to repeat with me: I will never (I will never) wear another (wear another) Christmas themed piece of clothing (Christmas themed piece of clothing) in public again (in public again).  Now that I have made that vow, I have closet purging to do, and new outfits to buy.  Next time you see me at the mall, I want to hear you say "she looks pretty good for her age". 


Memory:  I remember my Aunt Azalee telling the story of the time she ran into an old woman in her house.  She ran straight into this woman and screamed her head off, but it was a mirror on the back of a door.  We all had a good laugh about the "old" woman.

TRUE STORY:  On one of my trips to Dallas with my Tinker friends, I bought a new top and shoes and put them on right in the store.  Nothing will make you realize you look frumpy quicker than a trip to a Dallas mall.  

Disclaimer:  All this was written tongue in cheek.  You can wear your Christmas sweaters anytime you want and you will look adorable.  By the way, I am not the fashion police.