Maybe Love is All That is Needed

Good morning everybody.  Since I have been drinking hot tea instead of coffee, my mornings start off kind of sluggish.  The good news is I don't have jitters at 10:30 in the morning and I no longer run to the kitchen scrounging around to find something to counteract those jitters.....like Cheez-Its.  The bad news is that I no longer have that 2 hour spark of energy.  (Hand me that pillow.)   


Over the past year, I have gained a few readers, and each time I hear of someone reading my blog, I begin to question what I am writing.  I think of one person and think they don't want to hear that so I change my post.  Then I think of someone else and think that they would like to hear something nostalgic.  Then I think of the next person and think they would want me to write something humorous.  It's a hard life...............being a writer.  (Gee, I hope you don't take me serious.  Everything I write is tongue-in-cheek.)  So with that in mind, I am going back to when I was writing totally for myself; the time when no one, not even my daughter, knew I was writing.  So.....


Have you ever wondered how you got to be the person you are?  Just like everyone, a lot of baggage has been piled on me over the years, some good and some not so good.  I guess all that has made me who I am today.  I am somewhat skeptical about a lot of things.  I don't think that is a good thing.  I tend to worry.  I don't think that is a good thing.  I am so a control freak.  I don't think that is a good thing.  I am also very practical.  I don't think that is a good thing.  I also have the ability, or should I say disability, to see things played out to the very worst scenario.  I, for sure, don't think that is a good thing.  In fact, that one is particularly horrible and can be debilitating. 


Some where or some time along the way, I became an adult.  I became a mother.  I became a grandmother.  Now I am the person others come to for advice.  Really?  How did all this happen?  I am still that little 9 year old girl, still afraid of my own shadow, still hiding behind my mom's skirt.  But.........I have to pretend like I am strong.  Maybe I am.  I have to pretend like someone else can take charge........ooohhhh that one is hard......giving up control???.....  I have to close my eyes to all those worst case scenarios.  I can keep all those worst case scenarios to myself for they tend not to ever happen anyway.  The easy one and the most fun thing will be to give up practicality.  Occasionally (she says with an air of practicality) it will be fun for me to just buy something just because I want it.  I associate practicality with spontaneity so it will be fun to wake up one morning, throw a couple of pairs of jeans in the bag and head out to places unknown.


I guess we all reflect back when we get to a certain age.  As I do so, I often wonder if my mom did.  Did she ever want to tell us kids that she didn't have ANY of the answers?  Did she want to tell us she was just a kid, too?  Did she want to tell us to find our answers from someone wiser than her?  I fear that my wisdom is NOT WISE.  I don't feel like I have any of the answers.  Maybe there are things in life that have no answers.  Maybe we have to just let God work with us in his own mysterious way.     


Here's the good news.  I remember my mother having all the answers.  I remember her giving the best advice.  I remember loving us five, then 10, then 8 more, then the greats..........loving us.  Maybe that is all it takes.  LOVE.  Maybe that is all that is needed. 


Just this last minute, I feel lifted.  Maybe love is all that is needed. 


I love you!!!!


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