Engineers

Do you read the Sunday Oklahoman?  If you do, last Sunday you might have read Malcolm Berko's column in the Business section.  It is titled "Is it the right time to put money in REITs?"  A couple asked Mr. Berko a question about his take on an investment that their engineer friend had suggested.  Mr. Berko answers, in part, as follows:


"I have a long-time friend who is an engineer and also a non-pareil stock picker.  I've watched this guy pick stocks for 38 years -- and watched him buy stocks that looked like garbage but turned into gold.  I came to the conclusion 205 years ago that engineers rather than politicians and lawyers should rule the world.  Imagine for a moment that the president, the Cabinet and all the White House staff were engineers instead of lawyers.


Then imagine that members of Congress (47 percent are lawyers) were engineers.  Without question, our tax code would be fair; the budget would be balanced; our public schools would be exceptional; poverty would be eliminated; welfare plummet; the trains would run on time; and there would be peace in the valley.  Lawyers are America's terrorists but without guns or suicide vests."


Mr. Berko goes on to answer the couple's question regarding an investment of REITs, but it is take on engineers that causes me to laugh.  If you have ever met or known an engineer, you might tend to agree with him. 


I married one of these engineers and here's a little tongue in cheek of what I have learned from a union of 42 years. 


If you want to do anything, and I repeat, anything on the spur of the moment - do NOT marry an engineer.  Things have to be thought through thoroughly and there might be drawings involved.


If you want your engineer to handcraft an item, expect this project to take weeks and weeks, with drawing after drawing.  Expect to see a list of parts needed with associated costs.  Then expect to see a list of like items selling in the stores and a price comparison and the feasibility and practicality of the hand crafted item versus one from a store.  By the way, an engineer's time is almost never accounted for in a price comparison.  They work for free.  If your engineer should finally decide that the project is worthwhile, there will be a build sheet, cost listed for all individual parts, and now in the digital age, pictures.


If you want a brand new car - do NOT ever marry an engineer -- do you know how much a car's value drops just driving it off the lot?  Nope, not gonna happen in the Tucker house.


If you expect to have a new appliance now and again - do NOT marry an engineer.  That engineer you married takes great delight in seeing just how long they can make an appliance last.  Case in point, my dishwasher was bought in 1987 (I kid you not!) has been fixed probably 5 times.............the sucker just won't break to the point of not being fixable by my engineer hubby.  On the positive side, an engineer can save you tons of money.


If you want to win at any trivia game - marry an engineer.  They are the smartest people I have ever met with few exceptions who, come to think of it, are just non-degreed engineers themselves. 


Engineers are NOT snappy dressers.  Clothes are definitely not a first priority for most engineers.  In fact, their clothes might be a little thread-bare.  If they are still working, it wouldn't be that unusual to see them with a pocket protector.  And you can depend on them to have an ink pen within their reach.   Trivia:  They work crossword puzzles in ink.


I wrote all this as humor, but there is a lot of truth in it as well.  The engineer I married can fix almost anything.  This has been proven on many occasions by many people.  If you can't figure it out, call Johnny.  First, he is probably going to ask you if it is plugged in, if you checked to see if you need gas, if you checked the circuit breaker, and what you were doing at the time of breakage. Then even if you verified all these things to him, when he comes to your rescue he will check them out himself.  Engineers leave little to chance so don't be offended if he checks everything twice.  They are also by nature very pessimistic.  They tend not to believe a word of anything until they have researched and tested it themselves.  


Yep, an engineer is good to have around and very handy. 


I love you!