Get Up and Deal With It

There is something compelling me to write tonight and I don't know why or what I will write about.  I haven't written regularly in months, so I will begin and don't know where I will end...........hold on.............


Today has been one of those ordinary days, but there was nothing ordinary about it.  I attended my very best couple friend's funeral.  It was hard to say goodbye for so many reasons.  How can I say goodbye to 40 years friendship?  While we were different as night and day, I will miss that soft voice, that lovely smile.........and believe me, she had the best smile.  I will miss her gentle spirit. 


So today I said goodbye to her, I am not going to dwell on her death, but her courage in her darkest, sickest hours and look even further back to remember those Corvette trips, outings, vacations, dinners in each others' homes, eating out...........  Fun times with a sweet girl.


As I was walking tonight, thinking of her, alone, I was sad and almost wanted to give up writing, give up Facebook, give up on emailing, give up on a lot of things.  I wonder if anybody besides me ever has those moments when so much seems like such a huge effort.  Jealousy reared its ugly head.......why can't I have a life like that, why can't I have that beautiful home, why can't I be so popular, why can't I have a boat and a new car at the same time, why can't I.............such ugly words..........why can't I.  Oh I was having my pity party tonight.


When I got back to the house, cooled down a bit, and started to play a game of solitaire on the internet it hit me..............do I want to spend my hours playing solitaire or do I want to get into the game again?  Do I want to stagnate or do I want to live life?  I chose life and I chose it be happy.  I chose the words "I have.  I have.  I have.  I have so many, many blessings."


So here I am writing a silly blog...........nobody reads it except for a couple.............but therapy for me..........words to help clear my mind.  I am pulling my big girl panties up and dealing with it.  I have so many, many blessings. 


I love you.